The past two days I’ve been confronted with how much I do not engage Black men at all and vice versa. I’m glad this came across my feed. I’m curious about the curation of this fantastical EBM. I’m not African American but the media I engaged growing up was predominantly African American. The male leads always seemed to be the perfect amalgamation of all these things. I wonder then, if the EBM was ever real at all or if they were just trapped in screens. We want to love you back but not at the expense of self at least not anymore. Beautiful piece, it’s given me a lot to think about.
Dope piece brotha. This part gave me a good laugh while also pondering "Love begins as curiosity, a lack of information and potential embarrassment stands in the way of that. You get your heart broken and your money stolen? Whoopty-doo!" 😂.
At this point, the majority of us do need to "wade into the waters" as my ancestors once said, though the meaning is different We spend way too much time guarding our pride like it’s some sort of treasure, when really, it’s just the weight keeping us stuck on the shore.
thank you for this article. Reading black men talking about things that I usually talk about with my female friends, is very interesting, very nice to see your point of view. Beyond that, there are some things I would like to say. I am a Brazilian woman, and Chante's article got very popular here too, however I dont think this topic makes sense to my country, Brazil. Here "having a boyfriend" would never be embarrassing, because in my society being in a relationship with a man, it doesnt matter who he is, it is still a status... (SMH) Chante's article made me think about many other things involving generation, culture and race mainly... All of this dicussion reminded me of a brazilian psychologist, Valeska Zanello, who created the concept of "the love shelf" in a free translation. Where basically she says that "men are taught to love many things and women are taught to love men."
Well, I think the discussion would go to many different ways if we consider brazilian context and north american context. But as I said before, reading you was a pleasure, and made me think a lot of things, that I def cant bring here without being too much lol. But as I said before, thank you.
Love reading a man’s perspective on the topic. This was a great read! I think men often miss an important point when discussing this; romantic love. The thing is we’ve centered romantic love so much in heteronormative relationships that it has become so hard for many to just let it go. The difference is that women have been deconstructing romantic love for a while now and men keep failing to do so. When men start pouring into other types of love and, may I dare to say; into one another, they will be able to imagine other ways of living. Because when you realize you actually don’t need any of the achievements you’ve been indoctrinated to pursue in order to be “successful”, you stop forcing yourself to belong to a system that has only harmed us all, men and women. Idk, maybe men just need to make peace with the fact that having a partner is not all there is in life because creating a fulfilling life doesn’t actually need that. Invest in yourselves. Work on your own happiness. You might start to care less about embarrassment when you start embracing your own vulnerability.
This was a great read! Loved the perspective of men on this topic. It seems the real issue is that there seems to be some kind of push from the media we consume to inflame the tension between men and women. Especially black men and women.
This was structured soo well! Glad it wasn't so much a response to the Vogue article but posing a question to men with the article as the reference point (at least thats how I read it.)
Yeah this was a banger. Definitely saw myself and/or my peers through a lot of this piece either directly or indirectly. Then that EBM reference at the end (and the fact that archetypes like the nice guy & thug are inherently at odds with one another) really sent things up… as a former young ragamuffin that went to private school but grew up in the hood that part resonated the most: all the girls in my neighborhood thought I was cute & smart etc. but I didn’t always get as much attention as the meatheads in my crew (though I had a few that really rocked with me tough) and it mostly was because I came off as “too nice” or “too smart” even though I was just a byproduct of having homework everyday and parents that made sure I treated others with kindness and respect. Fast forward to my later years for college and adulthood and I’m dealing with more middle class girls and I was able to find my way in the mix but I def lost a few to guys peacocking & posturing as tougher than what the really were in order to get the attention of the girls whereas I didn’t care so much to do it. Dating as a straight Black male has always been “ok” for me when I look back at it but I feel like if I were more performative and less of my raw, vulnerable self I probably would have gone even further… I am happy with how things panned out for me but now I’m in my mid-30s and not married and I’m thinking about that whole growing up aspect of it all.
Really well done thought provoking article. On a lighter note I don’t remember H.I.M. but I immediately remembered No Pigeons by Sporty Thieves (No Scrubs rebuttal)!
“Love begins as curiosity, a lack of information and potential embarrassment stands in the way of that. You get your heart broken and your money stolen? Whoopty-doo!” 😮💨👏🏾👏🏾 ugh this whole thing was so good
Love begins as curiosity, a lack of information and potential embarrassment stands in the way of that. You get your heart broken and your money stolen? Whoopty-doo!”
Yes! My favorite quote from this writing. Love is worth the risk of embarrassment! Bring back yearning!
This was a good listen. I could understand the conflict men are describing in your article but can you imagine what women use to feel. I can only vouch for the women’s perspective. Mom please open up and speak to your sons. It starts there.
The past two days I’ve been confronted with how much I do not engage Black men at all and vice versa. I’m glad this came across my feed. I’m curious about the curation of this fantastical EBM. I’m not African American but the media I engaged growing up was predominantly African American. The male leads always seemed to be the perfect amalgamation of all these things. I wonder then, if the EBM was ever real at all or if they were just trapped in screens. We want to love you back but not at the expense of self at least not anymore. Beautiful piece, it’s given me a lot to think about.
Dope piece brotha. This part gave me a good laugh while also pondering "Love begins as curiosity, a lack of information and potential embarrassment stands in the way of that. You get your heart broken and your money stolen? Whoopty-doo!" 😂.
At this point, the majority of us do need to "wade into the waters" as my ancestors once said, though the meaning is different We spend way too much time guarding our pride like it’s some sort of treasure, when really, it’s just the weight keeping us stuck on the shore.
Peace
I appreciate it! Thanks for reading
thank you for this article. Reading black men talking about things that I usually talk about with my female friends, is very interesting, very nice to see your point of view. Beyond that, there are some things I would like to say. I am a Brazilian woman, and Chante's article got very popular here too, however I dont think this topic makes sense to my country, Brazil. Here "having a boyfriend" would never be embarrassing, because in my society being in a relationship with a man, it doesnt matter who he is, it is still a status... (SMH) Chante's article made me think about many other things involving generation, culture and race mainly... All of this dicussion reminded me of a brazilian psychologist, Valeska Zanello, who created the concept of "the love shelf" in a free translation. Where basically she says that "men are taught to love many things and women are taught to love men."
Well, I think the discussion would go to many different ways if we consider brazilian context and north american context. But as I said before, reading you was a pleasure, and made me think a lot of things, that I def cant bring here without being too much lol. But as I said before, thank you.
A beautiful contribution thank you 💖
Love reading a man’s perspective on the topic. This was a great read! I think men often miss an important point when discussing this; romantic love. The thing is we’ve centered romantic love so much in heteronormative relationships that it has become so hard for many to just let it go. The difference is that women have been deconstructing romantic love for a while now and men keep failing to do so. When men start pouring into other types of love and, may I dare to say; into one another, they will be able to imagine other ways of living. Because when you realize you actually don’t need any of the achievements you’ve been indoctrinated to pursue in order to be “successful”, you stop forcing yourself to belong to a system that has only harmed us all, men and women. Idk, maybe men just need to make peace with the fact that having a partner is not all there is in life because creating a fulfilling life doesn’t actually need that. Invest in yourselves. Work on your own happiness. You might start to care less about embarrassment when you start embracing your own vulnerability.
This was a great read! Loved the perspective of men on this topic. It seems the real issue is that there seems to be some kind of push from the media we consume to inflame the tension between men and women. Especially black men and women.
This was structured soo well! Glad it wasn't so much a response to the Vogue article but posing a question to men with the article as the reference point (at least thats how I read it.)
I got on Substack today to read this 🫂
Thanks a lot!
Yeah this was a banger. Definitely saw myself and/or my peers through a lot of this piece either directly or indirectly. Then that EBM reference at the end (and the fact that archetypes like the nice guy & thug are inherently at odds with one another) really sent things up… as a former young ragamuffin that went to private school but grew up in the hood that part resonated the most: all the girls in my neighborhood thought I was cute & smart etc. but I didn’t always get as much attention as the meatheads in my crew (though I had a few that really rocked with me tough) and it mostly was because I came off as “too nice” or “too smart” even though I was just a byproduct of having homework everyday and parents that made sure I treated others with kindness and respect. Fast forward to my later years for college and adulthood and I’m dealing with more middle class girls and I was able to find my way in the mix but I def lost a few to guys peacocking & posturing as tougher than what the really were in order to get the attention of the girls whereas I didn’t care so much to do it. Dating as a straight Black male has always been “ok” for me when I look back at it but I feel like if I were more performative and less of my raw, vulnerable self I probably would have gone even further… I am happy with how things panned out for me but now I’m in my mid-30s and not married and I’m thinking about that whole growing up aspect of it all.
Good read. Very relatable.
I appreciate your thoughts and earnest engagement, more than you’ll ever know
A great read thank you 🙏🏾 for writing ✍🏾 will put in my archives for when my son grows up and I can read it to him
This was a great read!
Really well done thought provoking article. On a lighter note I don’t remember H.I.M. but I immediately remembered No Pigeons by Sporty Thieves (No Scrubs rebuttal)!
This was so well written and enjoyable and left me with a lot to think on. Thanks for sharing!
“Love begins as curiosity, a lack of information and potential embarrassment stands in the way of that. You get your heart broken and your money stolen? Whoopty-doo!” 😮💨👏🏾👏🏾 ugh this whole thing was so good
shout out to meeeeee
Love begins as curiosity, a lack of information and potential embarrassment stands in the way of that. You get your heart broken and your money stolen? Whoopty-doo!”
Yes! My favorite quote from this writing. Love is worth the risk of embarrassment! Bring back yearning!
This was a good listen. I could understand the conflict men are describing in your article but can you imagine what women use to feel. I can only vouch for the women’s perspective. Mom please open up and speak to your sons. It starts there.